Friends.

Lately I have been realizing more and more the importance of having friends. Duh, right? To be a little more specific, I'm talking about real friends, the kind you can call on when you need something or when you don't need anything and just want to chat, the kind you are comfortable with and can really be yourself around. Let's call them "no-makeup friends." My life has slowed down a lot in terms of the grownup interaction I experience on a day-to-day basis, and it's hard for me sometimes to step out of being mommy and give myself the opportunity to be Christy without kids. This applies to actually hanging out with people and also to some of the friends I am only able to connect with on the phone. I think it's easier to sort of use that part of my life as a subject of conversation so that I don't have to think or talk about the "me" that exists apart from that role. Easier, maybe, but better, definitely not.

And therein lies the problem...it's a lot easier to be a surface level friend and it takes a lot more effort to be an intentional friend. It means delving deeper into what's really going on and putting yourself out there with the possibility that you might get hurt. And it simply takes time, which many of us don't have a ton of (although I kind of think you can choose what you want to have time for, but that's a different post altogether).

What I'm trying to say is, I want to be a better friend. And I want to have friends who are wanting the same thing. The past 7 weeks since Anna was born have put me into new baby survival mode, but I've had a lot of time to think and reflect, which is always a good thing. Life is never really going to slow down and friendships are never going to get easier to maintain and nurture. In fact, I think one of Satan's biggest forms of attack is to get us isolated away from the kind of relationships I've been talking about. I miss the level of community I have had in the past but don't really see much of now.

I know there are different levels of friendship and don't want anyone to read this and think I'm accusing you of not being a good enough friend to me...it's more about me and what I want to give. I realize that when I am connected to other people on more than a superficial level, it is mutually beneficial and forces me to take time to work on who I am - something I do a lot less often than I'm happy to admit. So to wrap it up, I'll just say that I am grateful for the friendships I have and the ones that are in bloom, and I'm hoping to do some "gardening" in the near future!