Happy Valentine's Day

In honor of Valentine's Day I wanted to share a little something I wrote for my hubby waaaaay back in the day, before he was my hubby, in fact. This was my gift to him on our first Valentine's Day as a couple (although technically I think we were still "under the radar" - haha!) in 2003. Anyways, I think it's fun to read it now, considering how things panned out - that boy who fell into my life is now my husband of 5 years and counting! Happy Valentine's Day Honey, you're my favorite.

"Maybe Someday"

Too early to tell
Too soon to say
But my heart's begun to hope
That maybe someday...

When I'm with you
All the details fade to gray
And the more I'm with you the harder it gets
To let you go away

Almost ready to let you hold my heart
Not quite sure what's about to start
And I pray I'll never hurt you
Cause I know it would hurt me too

But I know I can't hide from you forever
I don't want to play it so safe
You're just a boy who fell into my life
I still can't seem to understand why

Everything's been different
Such a good kind of different
I could give you my heart
If I knew you were mine

Too early to tell
To soon to say
But my heart's begun to hope
That maybe someday

Things to Remember

Sometimes I forget who I am. It sounds silly but it happens more often than I am happy to admit. I get wrapped up in my issues, or spend too much time comparing myself to other people, or focus more on my weaknesses than my strengths. I forget to spend time cultivating my gifts and talents; I forget to think about the person I have become in Christ. And when I forget in my thoughts, my words and actions are usually not far behind. I start saying and doing things that do not reflect my true identity and look more like the person I used to be before I knew Him. It can get real ugly real fast.

I have been reminded recently that it really, really helps to surround myself with people who will positively affect the kind of person I want to be. When I spend time with people who are comfortable in who they are, growing in the Lord, and wanting real relationship it kind of rubs off and I come away with a little bit of them stuck with me. I desire to be an open person who is inviting and makes others feel safe to be who they are around me; to carry an easy confidence and beauty that is not held in outward appearances but goes deeper, from the heart. I wonder, though, how often this true self is overshadowed by my own preoccupation with the stuff this world throws at me.

The enemy is good at getting us wrapped up in things that just don't matter in the long run...and believing those things to be SO VERY important when they're not! I hate knowing that I may be missing God's best for my life because I have simply forgotten the vision He has placed in my heart, letting my mind wander elsewhere and fixing my eyes on lesser things than Jesus.

The truth is, I am Christ's beloved! I have been given the power of the Spirit of the Living God to live out the genuine and unconditional love He placed in me. I am able to do all things through Christ; nothing is impossible if I have even the tiniest bit of faith. I am made in His image and am being renewed every day to be more and more like Him. He has prepared good works in advance for me and promises to see them through to completion! He listens to me, knows me, goes before me and will never leave me. This is where my focus needs to be. This is the kind of thinking that will free me to love others without conditions, judgment or wrong motives. This is what I need to be constantly reminding myself because this is where my true identity is found.

I haven't been as good at posting often as I had planned but life just gets so busy! I have a feeling this will just be lots of randomness all thrown together so bear with me. The holidays were fun, lots of family time and good food of course. Our holidays are starting to look a little different every year as we adjust to families growing and moving around, which is a little difficult for me as I am used to doing the exact same thing every year for as long as I can remember. But I guess everything has to change eventually.

I'm in a sweet season of life right now and I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it - even the days I'm knee deep in dirty diapers and don't ever get around to taking a shower. When the girls are in bed and I go to pick up the trail of toys left all over the house, or finally clean up the dishes that have been sitting in the sink all day, or fold the ginormous basket of laundry...it's tempting to berate myself for not being as good of a housekeeper as I should be. Or as able to keep it all together in whatever other form of unattainable standard I put myself up against. The truth is, I'm learning to be thankful for dishes in the sink and toys all over the floor. They are a sign of a day well spent, playing and being together, laughing and making memories. The dishes and laundry will always be there when I have a spare moment; however, my cutie tootie two year old asking me to play "Hi-Cherry Hi-Cherry" (Hi Ho Cherry O) or tell her a story about Princess Madeline will not.

They really are growing up too fast. But at the end of the day, I feel good knowing I can be there to see it happen.

Lots of deep thoughts and good conversations lately. I had a nice cry with my mom because I was telling her how thankful I am to have parents that did not ruin me for life in any major way. In fact, I can actually say they did a pretty darn good job. I remember always feeling safe, loved, and accepted at home. I know my parents loved each other and I saw that in the day to day moments of our life. I don't remember huge arguments or people screaming at each other. There was a lot of laughter, traditions, and memories made together as a family. I am so grateful to be able to say that there is nothing significant I am planning on changing as a parent from how my parents raised me. The things I have done or will do differently are things that I want to add on top of the existing foundation I was given. I guess growing up I assumed everybody had it as good as I did. Now I know better. I truly believe that the home should be the primary place of ministry and modeling Christ in our lives, as opposed to putting on our Sunday best but living out something totally different the rest of the week; sadly for many many believers, the latter of the two is their reality. That has to be so confusing and disheartening for a child growing up in that environment! No wonder so many church kids grow up and stray far away from the faith.

Lord, let me not take for granted the gift I've been given and let me be faithful in passing that gift on to my children.

Friends.

Lately I have been realizing more and more the importance of having friends. Duh, right? To be a little more specific, I'm talking about real friends, the kind you can call on when you need something or when you don't need anything and just want to chat, the kind you are comfortable with and can really be yourself around. Let's call them "no-makeup friends." My life has slowed down a lot in terms of the grownup interaction I experience on a day-to-day basis, and it's hard for me sometimes to step out of being mommy and give myself the opportunity to be Christy without kids. This applies to actually hanging out with people and also to some of the friends I am only able to connect with on the phone. I think it's easier to sort of use that part of my life as a subject of conversation so that I don't have to think or talk about the "me" that exists apart from that role. Easier, maybe, but better, definitely not.

And therein lies the problem...it's a lot easier to be a surface level friend and it takes a lot more effort to be an intentional friend. It means delving deeper into what's really going on and putting yourself out there with the possibility that you might get hurt. And it simply takes time, which many of us don't have a ton of (although I kind of think you can choose what you want to have time for, but that's a different post altogether).

What I'm trying to say is, I want to be a better friend. And I want to have friends who are wanting the same thing. The past 7 weeks since Anna was born have put me into new baby survival mode, but I've had a lot of time to think and reflect, which is always a good thing. Life is never really going to slow down and friendships are never going to get easier to maintain and nurture. In fact, I think one of Satan's biggest forms of attack is to get us isolated away from the kind of relationships I've been talking about. I miss the level of community I have had in the past but don't really see much of now.

I know there are different levels of friendship and don't want anyone to read this and think I'm accusing you of not being a good enough friend to me...it's more about me and what I want to give. I realize that when I am connected to other people on more than a superficial level, it is mutually beneficial and forces me to take time to work on who I am - something I do a lot less often than I'm happy to admit. So to wrap it up, I'll just say that I am grateful for the friendships I have and the ones that are in bloom, and I'm hoping to do some "gardening" in the near future!

Grand Opening Celebration

And here it is...you know you have all been waiting for it...my amazing all-new blog! Actually it may not be amazing, or even interesting, for that matter, but it will be what's in my head at any given time. I've been slow to get one started and I may not be great at keeping up with it but I'm sure gonna try. Hopefully if you are reading it you will find some kind of occasional enjoyment, inspiration, or just something to laugh at. Like the title implies, I'm not promising anything stellar; just ordinary little me, walking along the road of life and sharing my comments on the internet. Enjoy.